If someone you know has been affected by 'honour'-based abuse, you may feel apprehensive about supporting them, often for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.
This page offers practical suggestions to help you provide meaningful support to those who have been impacted.
Take the time to understand what honour-based abuse really means, as this can help you. Honour-based abuse
If you feel comfortable, consider speaking with the person affected. They may not want to share, but they may be grateful for the opportunity to discuss what has been happening and how it is impacting them.
People respond in different ways; they may feel emotional, overwhelmed and confused about what to do. The impact of honour-based abuse varies depending on several factors e.g., the relationship between the victim and the perpetrator, the environment, the type of behaviour experienced, etc.
You don’t need to be a trained counsellor to respond supportively, but your reaction to that disclosure can make a significant difference to how safe and believed the person feels. It is important that you listen, and support them, but never pressure someone to make a choice they are not comfortable with.
·Listen - Listening is the most important thing you can do.
- Find a private place to talk and tell them you are glad they are telling you. Remind them that no one, regardless of the relationship, has the right to hurt them, and it is not their fault that this occurred.
- Be patient; let them tell you as little or as much as they want to at their own pace, without interrupting. Talking about how they feel can be as helpful as talking about the details of what happened
- Show them you are actively listening e.g. nodding, facing in their direction, sitting at eye level, verbally encourage them e.g. “I hear what you’re saying”. Try not to skip ahead to what to do practically without first validating what you have heard and are listening to what they have to say.
- Respect their personal space. Do not touch them, even if you think they want physical comfort, resist the urge to do so. (This will depend on your relationship to the person)
- Offer something to keep them warm, e.g. a blanket or your jacket (symptoms of shock can include feeling cold, shivering and shaking).
- If you take notes of the conversation, record their account verbatim, to prevent misunderstandings. Your notes could be used in a police investigation if they choose to report the incident.
- Remember your role. Regardless of your relationship, e.g., best friend, stranger, personal tutor, line manager, colleague etc., you are not the police. Do not interrogate or question someone for details, unless their immediate safety is at risk, and you need information to protect them.
Give Options - Somebody who has experienced or is experiencing 'honour'-based abuse may feel powerless, having had control taken away from them. Therefore, it is important to allow them to have a choice about what happens next.
- Simply ask them what they need or want. Don’t assume what they want or need they may not make the same decision as you, however, only they should decide what is best for them.
- Help them explore options but avoid telling them what they should do. While you may think a certain course of action is obvious, it is important that they find their own solutions, set their own boundaries and regain control; making decisions for them may increase that sense of powerlessness.
- If you do need to share information, try and obtain consent, and advise them what information will be shared and with whom.
- If you are worried that they or someone else is in imminent danger, explain that you will need to tell someone. If you are unclear about what action to take, seek advice from the Safeguarding and Disclosure Response team by emailing SafeguardingDisclosure@swansea.ac.uk.
- If they do not want to report to the police, there are specialist agencies who can offer confidential advice and support.
- If there is a sexual element to the abuse, and it occurred within seven days, they can contact New Pathways , and attend a Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) for a forensic medical examination without informing the police. New Pathways will store the evidence until they are ready to report to the police.
Be Good to Yourself
- Don’t take matters into your own hands, e.g. confronting / assaulting the perpetrator. This is unhelpful, and unsafe and could also result in a criminal investigation against you. criminal.
- Receiving disclosures can be emotional, it is important that you process your own feelings. It's important to maintain confidentiality, but you can discuss the situation without providing names, with a professional organisation and access appropriate specialist support. Remember, you will not be able to support others without first supporting yourself.
Signpost
- Signpost them to Report and Support - Report and Support is the University's online reporting platform, where they can access support, and consider their reporting options, in their own time. A disclosure does not trigger a formal complaint.
- You can support someone to disclose the incident to the University, as the online form allows you to report on behalf of another person.
- Never pressure someone to report; even if you believe it is the right thing to do, the decision must be theirs