If someone you know has been affected by bullying or harassment, you may feel apprehensive about supporting them, often for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.
This page offers practical suggestions to help you provide meaningful support to those who have been impacted.
Take the time to understand what bullying and/or harassment really means, as this can help you. What is Bullying and Harassment
If you feel comfortable, consider speaking with the person affected. They may not want to share, but they may be grateful for the opportunity to discuss what has been happening and how it is impacting them.
People respond in different ways; they may feel emotional, overwhelmed and confused about what to do. The impact of bullying and harassment varies depending on several factors e.g., the relationship between the victim and the perpetrator, the environment (e.g. home, work, social setting), the type of behaviour experienced, etc. Impact of Bullying and Harassment.
You don’t need to be a trained counsellor to respond supportively, but your reaction to that disclosure can make a significant difference to how safe and believed the person feels. It is important that you listen, believe and support them, but never pressure someone to make a choice they are not comfortable with.
Listen - Listening is the most important thing you can do.
- Find a private place to talk and tell them you are glad they are telling you.
- Be patient; let them tell you as little or as much as they want to at their own pace, without interrupting. Talking about how they feel can be as helpful as talking about the details of what happened
- Show them you are actively listening e.g. nodding, facing in their direction, sitting at eye level, verbally encourage them e.g. “I hear what you’re saying”.
- Respect their personal space. Do not touch them, even if you think they want physical comfort, resist the urge to do so. (This will depend on your relationship to the person)
- Offer something to keep them warm, e.g. a blanket or your jacket (symptoms of shock can include feeling cold, shivering and shaking).
- If you take notes of the conversation, record their account verbatim, to prevent misunderstandings. Your notes could be used in a police investigation if the person chooses to report the incident.
- Remember your role. Regardless of your relationship, e.g., best friend, stranger, personal tutor, line manager, colleague etc., you are not the police. Do not interrogate or question someone for details, unless their immediate safety is at risk, and you need information to protect them.
Believe
- Ensure you are non-judgmental
- Be supportive and provide reassurance throughout the conversation.
- Use phrases such as: -
“I believe you; It took a lot of courage for you to tell me about this.”
“It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
“You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
Signpost
- Signpost them to Report and Support - Report and Support is the University's online reporting platform, where they can access support, and consider their reporting options, in their own time. A disclosure does not trigger a formal complaint.
- You can support someone to disclose the incident to the University, as the online form allows you to report on behalf of another person.
- Never pressure someone to report; even if you believe it is the right thing to do, the decision must be theirs.
Ongoing Support
- Regardless of what they choose to do, offer your ongoing support.
- Check in periodically, letting them know that you care about their well-being.
- Know your resources. You may want to provide ongoing support, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped to manage someone else’s health. Familiarize yourself with the Report and Support pages, and you can then signpost appropriately.
Self-Care
- Receiving disclosures and supporting others can be difficult and emotional. Support available to those directly impacted by bullying and harassment is also available to those supporting them. You will not be able to support others without first supporting yourself.