If someone you know has experienced stalking, it is important that you listen to them, and be open to what they are telling you. Try not to ask for a lot of detail and make it clear that you are ready to listen whenever they want to talk, and offer practical support, such as directing them to Report and Support or providing the details of specialist support services.
When victims of stalking talk about their experiences, it sometimes does not sound as serious as it is because the person stalking them is not overtly aggressive or threatening. As a result, it is common for those experiencing stalking to feel embarrassed for reporting it and for feeling threatened by it. It is not unusual for victims of stalking to play down the importance, the impact and the experience and it is not unusual for those close to the person being stalked to not take it seriously.
It can be hard to know or realise when a person is being stalked. The person may put it down to other factors, and not realise what is happening.
If you have a friend who has let you know any of the below, it might be that they are being stalked:
- Receiving lots of unwanted communication (emails, letters, gifts, telephone calls, messages) on a regular basis (at least two or more times)
- Unwanted communication is extreme and happening at multiple times
- Noticing someone is always around their work, home, or locations they frequent
- Being contacted by fake social media accounts on a regular basis
Behaviours such as the examples above should also follow the pattern of being: Fixated; Obsessive; Unwanted and Repeated
If the information the person is telling you fits into the above patterns, it's likely to be stalking.
It can be helpful to:
- Let them know you are concerned.
- Hear what they have to say, and let them know you believe them, and take them seriously.
- Let them know that this is not their fault and they can get help and support.
- Encourage them to make a disclosure to the university to receive internal support, or to look at our support pages that signpost to external support.
It may take them some time before they feel able to take the next step or to acknowledge they are being stalked, especially if it is by someone they know. Being there to support them until the time is right might be just what they need.
It can be difficult to know how to help someone who has been subjected to stalking, it can be a frightening and confusing time for them and for you. It is important that they are aware of the support available for students, from the University and external support services.
If you are concerned about the welfare of another student and would like to talk to someone, please email Welfare.CampusLife@swansea.ac.uk or use the Report and Support tool. It is important to ensure the person is aware of any details you are sharing about them, as in some instances actions taken could put someone at further risk from an abuser. You can also suggest that they contact specialist support services that feel the most comfortable for them. If someone needs urgent assistance please contact the police by calling 999.
Think
- Are they in immediate danger? If they are in immediate danger or seriously injured on campus they can call the Swansea University Security Team on 01792 604271 or by using SafeZone. If they are off campus, contact the Emergency Services on 999.
- Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened, try and find somewhere they feel safe
Listen and Believe
- Listen. If someone discloses an experience of stalking to you, listening to what they tell with no judgement, compassion and empathy can be incredibly helpful. Just taking the time to listen to someone and talk about what has happened can help.
- Believe. Rather than asking a lot of questions, just let them know that you believe them and will support them as best as you can. Try not to to skip ahead to what to do practically without first validating what you have heard and listening to what they have to say.
- Reassure. Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship or status, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this occurred.
- Give Options. Somebody who has experienced or is experiencing stalking may feel they have had power and control taken away from them. This means the most important thing is to respond in a way that increases their choice over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options but avoid telling them what they should do.
External Support
Here are a large number of What Support is available? - Report + Support - Swansea University you can call or visit.
Take Care of Yourself:
Supporting a survivor can be difficult and it's OK to take time and space for yourself sometimes. It's important not to betray a survivor's trust by telling others about their experiences without their permission, but you can talk confidentially to and get specialist support from the services mentioned above.
OTHER SOURCES OF SUPPORT:
- Samaritans are available to talk about anything that’s troubling you, no matter how large or small the issue. You don't have to be suicidal. Call: 116 123. Lines are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
- Breathing Space where experienced advisors will listen and offer information and advice. Call their Helpline number: 0800 83 85 87 Opening hours: Weekdays: Monday-Thursday 6pm to 2am. Weekend: Friday 6pm-Monday 6am